A reflective post, hope you can Handel it.

This week has been good, bad, fun, stressful, etc. etc all at the same time.  It was difficult to decide what to write about.

First, I thought I would write about music therapy and technology, as I am posting this entry from Starbucks on an iPad that was given to me for my upcoming work at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Toddler Rock program! Exciting to have a fun new toy. So, if any therapists out there reading this have any great ideas for apps or using the iPad in their sessions, especially with kids, I would love to hear them!

Then, I thought to write about balancing work stress and stressors that come from personal relationships, home life or other places of that nature, but I feared that would turn into a big ol' venting post and I would never bore you all with that-- especially because overall, I am so happy here and am really finding myself!

I will caution you though, this post will be a little more personal and reflective.  Events and readings I have done this week have caused me to ask a lot of questions about my faith and myself.  I am beginning my hospice rotation and this is not an easy topic.  The readings I must do talk about the process of dying and the experience for the patient and loved ones.  It's very tough to read about these things, especially for someone growing up afraid of death.  As a music therapist working in hospice you are there to support these people through this journey, whether it is an easy one, or filled with a lot of physical and emotional pain.

In my reading, Hospice and Palliative Care Music Therapy: A Guide to Clinical Development and Clinical Care it lists some as goals for music therapists:

·      Encouraging family support and communication

·      Managing symptoms/pain

·      Reducing stress and anxiety

·      Offering a sense of comfort and spiritual support

·      Facilitating closure

·      Providing a means of emotional and grief expression

·      Coping skills; working through denial, depression, and isolation

·      Increasing independence and self-esteem

·      Improving breath capacity

·      Mood elevation

·      Helping patients and family gain a sense of control and self-worth

This is not the tough part to understand, it is the fact that we have to help these people through something none of us can really understand. 

(Take or leave the next section of my post, I have a bit of word vomit)

I admire the doctors and nurses that deal with death everyday and can still remain sane! I was present for a situation in which a decision was made (by a patient) to take them off life support, they did it within the next 10 minutes.  This was when reality came crashing in on me; this person knew they were going to die that day.  Yes, a lot of consideration by doctors goes into this action concerning legalities and the patient etc etc…but how were they just so accepting of this decision?  How did that patient know they were ready? Weren’t they afraid of what was to happen next or what their family was going to do?

It really made me start to question my faith, what really happens when you die? What if there is no heaven/hell/Allah Whatever?! 

I’m a very spiritual person, I’m not saying I am the perfect Catholic, but I have a very good relationship with God, so why am I questioning my beliefs?! Being in a hospital makes death seem not as…real (sorry, sort of at a loss for words)…but when you sit back and think about it…it’s just hard. 

Being here in Ohio not knowing anyone and beginning a new stage in my life has brought me closer to God and made my faith stronger. I have been relying on Him when I am struggling, and believe me, in this first month, I HAVE STRUGGLED (with multiple things), but I am 10x happier and better now than I was 4 weeks ago, I will tell you that.   With all of my readings and experiencing people in ICUs it makes me feel terrible for questioning my faith, does this mean I’m an awful person?  Is God going to punish me for second-guessing Him?  I’ve been forced to look at circumstances like these through a scientific/medical eye and then through a spiritual and human-being-with-compassion eye.  It’s hard to switch between those things…

I suppose ultimately, it’s not that I have to choose between these aspects, but I have to have a balance of them all.  Right now, these issues and events are brand new to me so I shouldn’t expect myself to be ready to support someone in the dying process as a third party therapist OR to be fully confident in the fact that God is waiting for them with open arms.  I must keep an open mind, a professional outlook, and trust that God knows his plan for me and for others. 

That’s just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my reflections this past week, and I hope I didn’t depress anyone! This post was a sort of look inside my head and my heart, I hope I don’t bring any kind of discredit to myself or my profession. I am so looking forward to working with this population and I feel as though therapists working with Hospice are doing an AMAZING thing. 

I hope everyone has a great Sunday, and a wonderful week!

WAHOO IPAD!!!!!!!! Sorry to the intern who gets it next, you have a pink case, deal with it!

 

This place is starting to feel like home suite home!

Hey everyone! Happy August!

As I wrap up my first month here in OH I can’t believe how fast time is going!  Really it was only the first week that I was feeling homesick, only because I didn’t know ANYONE out here.  I’m starting to meet people, find really fun things to do, and actually learning to just CHILL OUT.  Any therapist will tell you self-care is beyond important..

I am pretty bummed I didn’t get a good beach trip this year though, but there are a couple little beaches around the lake I have to find time to go visit before it gets cold.  I am NOT looking forward to that quite yet, I am enjoying my walks to my car (20 minutes..crazy I know), walks to church, jogging after a long day, I just don’t want to be freezing yet!  I hear Ohio winters are a little rough, so care packages of hot chocolate and fuzzy sweaters won’t be turned away. ;)

This week was just great; I was out of the hospital and went to camp!  The camp was for children ages 6-13 on the Autism spectrum.  The theme of the camp was space explorers and each day we talked about different skills these kids need to be successful as they begin school again. Listening skills, behavior skills, anger and stress management, health and hygiene, and social skills were all addressed and on the last day, the children talked about God.

I was so proud of my co-intern and I, we had great ideas and I think we really made an impact on these kid’s week!  We used our music purposefully and to achieve the goal of the day.  For instance, the first day I had prepared a song for the older children and the one for the younger kids.  In these songs, I had a key word for them to listen for, and every time they heard the word they had to hold up the picture I gave them.  I rewrote the words to Nicki Minaj’s “Starships” and then used a song called “I don’t Want to Live on the Moon” adding lyrics about listening to the pilot, following directions, etc.  This allowed them to not only hear what skills we wanted them to know, but to have to execute them by holding up the pictures. 

All of the kids were wonderful, it is challenging at times to work with this population even if you are a professional.  Dealing with outbursts, concrete thinking, sensory sensitivities, we really had our work cut out for us, but it could not have gone better! 

Well, actually, one thing could have gone better; I had a minor moment of poor judgment.  I’m only going to tell you about this because, EVERYONE makes mistakes, so I might as well own up to mine.

The day of health and hygiene I wanted to talk about exercise with the older group.  Dancing is a form of exercise, so I taught them the wobble.  This was not the bad part, the kids loved it, they comprehended why we were doing it, and it was a very smooth ten or fifteen minutes.  But…me having a 22 year old brain, I put the actual song on the CD for the kids to take home.  I THOUGHT I edited it well enough, cutting out the bad words and an entire verse talking about, well, you get it.  Anyway, the song should not have been included on the CD at all, not appropriate.  Fortunately, the director of the camp and all the instructors gave us enough time to fix all the CDs so none of the kids got the dirty version of the CD. Then, everyone had a good laugh about it. So although it was embarrassing and made me feel pretty discouraged about being a professional, everything is a learning opportunity. 

 By the way, watching a group of 9-year-old boys shake their hips and do the wobble is just plain hilarity, and they knew it, those little hams.

 I am excited go back to my regular crazy weeks at the hospital on Monday but absolutely LOVED my week at camp, it's really starting to make me think I want to end up working with kids.

Hi to everyone back in VA I miss you, I am planning a trip home soon!