This week
has been good, bad, fun, stressful, etc. etc all at the same time. It was
difficult to decide what to write about.
First, I
thought I would write about music therapy and technology, as I am posting this
entry from Starbucks on an iPad that was given to me for my upcoming work at
the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Toddler Rock program! Exciting to have a fun new
toy. So, if any therapists out there reading this have any great ideas for apps
or using the iPad in their sessions, especially with kids, I would love to hear
them!
Then, I
thought to write about balancing work stress and stressors that come from
personal relationships, home life or other places of that nature, but I feared
that would turn into a big ol' venting post and I would never bore you all with
that-- especially because overall, I am so happy here and am really finding
myself!
I will
caution you though, this post will be a little more personal and reflective.
Events and readings I have done this week have caused me to ask a lot of
questions about my faith and myself. I am beginning my hospice rotation
and this is not an easy topic. The readings I must do talk about the
process of dying and the experience for the patient and loved ones. It's
very tough to read about these things, especially for someone growing up afraid
of death. As a music therapist working in hospice you are there to
support these people through this journey, whether it is an easy one, or filled
with a lot of physical and emotional pain.
In my
reading, Hospice and Palliative Care
Music Therapy: A Guide to Clinical Development and Clinical Care it lists
some as goals for music therapists:
·
Encouraging family support and
communication
·
Managing symptoms/pain
·
Reducing stress and anxiety
·
Offering a sense of comfort and
spiritual support
·
Facilitating closure
·
Providing a means of emotional
and grief expression
·
Coping skills; working through
denial, depression, and isolation
·
Increasing independence and
self-esteem
·
Improving breath capacity
·
Mood elevation
·
Helping patients and family gain
a sense of control and self-worth
This is not the tough part to understand, it
is the fact that we have to help these people through something none of us can
really understand.
(Take or leave the next section of my post, I
have a bit of word vomit)
I admire the doctors and nurses that deal
with death everyday and can still remain sane! I was present for a situation in
which a decision was made (by a patient) to take them off life support, they
did it within the next 10 minutes.
This was when reality came crashing in on me; this person knew they were
going to die that day. Yes, a lot
of consideration by doctors goes into this action concerning legalities and the
patient etc etc…but how were they just so accepting of this decision? How did that patient know they were
ready? Weren’t they afraid of what was to happen next or what their family was
going to do?
It really made me start to question my faith,
what really happens when you die? What if there is no heaven/hell/Allah
Whatever?!
I’m a very spiritual person, I’m not saying I
am the perfect Catholic, but I have a very good relationship with God, so why
am I questioning my beliefs?! Being in a hospital makes death seem not as…real
(sorry, sort of at a loss for words)…but when you sit back and think about
it…it’s just hard.
Being here in Ohio not knowing anyone and
beginning a new stage in my life has brought me closer to God and made my faith
stronger. I have been relying on Him when I am struggling, and believe me, in
this first month, I HAVE STRUGGLED (with multiple things), but I am 10x happier
and better now than I was 4 weeks ago, I will tell you that. With all of my readings and
experiencing people in ICUs it makes me feel terrible for questioning my faith,
does this mean I’m an awful person?
Is God going to punish me for second-guessing Him? I’ve been forced to look at
circumstances like these through a scientific/medical eye and then through a
spiritual and human-being-with-compassion eye. It’s hard to switch between those things…
I suppose ultimately, it’s not that I have to
choose between these aspects, but I have to have a balance of them all. Right now, these issues and events are
brand new to me so I shouldn’t expect myself to be ready to support someone in
the dying process as a third party therapist OR to be fully confident in the
fact that God is waiting for them with open arms. I must keep an open mind, a professional outlook, and trust
that God knows his plan for me and for others.
That’s just the tip of the iceberg when it
comes to my reflections this past week, and I hope I didn’t depress anyone!
This post was a sort of look inside my head and my heart, I hope I don’t bring
any kind of discredit to myself or my profession. I am so looking forward to
working with this population and I feel as though therapists working with
Hospice are doing an AMAZING thing.
I hope everyone has a great Sunday, and a
wonderful week!
WAHOO IPAD!!!!!!!! Sorry to the intern who gets it next, you have a pink case, deal with it!
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